and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
