no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
