The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
