sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
