Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize