he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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