He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
