he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
