we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
