Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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