By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
