ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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