Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
