I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i drank out of a bidet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize