just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
