I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
