am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
