and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
