I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
