Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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