If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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