You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
