Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
