you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
