What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize