Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
