if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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