I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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