Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
