im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
