Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
