I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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