Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
