also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
