in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
