Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize