Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
