I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We have started to decorate penises.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
