i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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