no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
