She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
