i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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