So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
