lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize