Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
