Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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