i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You can't special order awesome
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
