Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
