I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
4 words: hood of his car
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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