i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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