I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He did a backflip because drugs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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