They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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