my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
