Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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