Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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