Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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