We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish you could order shots online.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize