Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
