seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
