hotel room ftw
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
