oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
