I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize