If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
