____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
