So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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