My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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