Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
