I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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