Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
