Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
