1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and you said cock pushups were impossible
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
