Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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