I heard we made out
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
