Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
