He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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