Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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