I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize