Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
