your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize