if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
