i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
