he shaved USA in his pubs
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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