fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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