This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish there were birth control emojis
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
