I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
