K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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