New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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