you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
