he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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