I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
