see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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