last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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