He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
