Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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