i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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