my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize