Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
