He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
