Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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