I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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