I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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