i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
