At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All the doctor said was why
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
