haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
