im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
